place2place

camille's new post: sdsu

Spent today walking around the SDSU campus with Camille finding all the buildings her classes are in. I can't get over how beautiful the campus is. Classic California architecture represents every era: red-tiled Mission-style courtyards with mosaic fountains, mid-century modern, glass and metal contemporary with terraces over looking San Diego's mesas and canyons. Beautifully-groomed succulents line the paths, flowers spill out of planters, white walls and a vivid blue sky dazzle in the hot sun.

The parking lot is pretty standard though, and that's where I sit in the car and cry.

end of summer

 

I'm having a melancholic fit about leaving and I still have two weeks to go. One week more in Tahoe and almost a week in San Diego getting Camille set up in her new dorm.

I have now reached the dreading-having-summer-over stage. The Sunday evening feeling people talk about amplified. Is there anything worse?

Yes. Working all summer. Having kids who can't go to college. Not having a job you are happy to go back to. Not having a hilarious kid still at home. Not living in an interesting, beautiful country. Not having paintings to do. Not having spent time with friends and family. Not having drank so much California wine that it actually feels good to now NOT drink wine. Not having discovered Kai perfume. Not having made friends with our in-residence stellar jays. Not having a big jar of organic coconut oil that you can buy in every store here--it's saving my skin from the dry mountain air.

Normally, when other people say they dread Sunday evening, I have paused, and thought, wow, I don't really mind going to work on Monday. I like my work. And I only have to be there four days, and then I get three glorious days off.

Also, I am a transition resister. I had passing thoughts in Kyiv that I didn't want to come to California. The travel time, the expense, the disruption of my happy routine. I didn't want any of it. Now I don't want it again, and I'm trying to figure out a work-around.

How about to not dwell in the dread of change?

Here comes the complaining: I'm dysfunctionally illiterate in Kyiv. I can barely drive. I don't have an Atelier where I can do a screen printing class. 

But this moment is fine. The moment of packing will be fine, the moment of finding my way around San Diego in a rental car will be fine, leaving Camille in San Diego will be fine, packing up from the Tahoe house will be fine, spending the last 24 hours driving my kids around, going out to lunch when I'd rather eat at home, not working on my illustration class, not scraping the wax I dripped on the floor before the renters get here -- all will be fine.

And we will come back and next time, it will end with the same dread and anxiety.