I am not in the frame of mind to lose a pet right now.
Oh Beau, I loved you so. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I had to leave. You know how much I loved you. I can't say good bye. I hate good byes, and I don't want to say good bye to your soft fur and sweet personality.
You are the glue that held all of us together when, as Stefan said, we needed a moral boost. Then you were the glue that held us together as a fun and hilarious topic of conversation when I am in Oman, Peter is in Pakistan, and Camille and Stefan are on separate ends of California. We all loved you so and fought over who got to take care of you. Beau updates were our love language.
Did I cry this much over my sister dying?! I didn't carry Valerie around a front pack I made of a scarf on the trails of Big Sur.
My sister was an animal lover and had 12 dogs over the years at my last count, and I might be forgetting some of them. She believed three dogs was the perfect number of dogs. "Any more and they form a pack," she said. And having three dogs at all times, they were always new ones coming and other ones "checking out" as she said--of poison, drinking anti-freeze-laced toilet water, or tottering old age. She was not sentimental about replacing one with another as quickly as possible, she thought a puppy was the best way to heal from a dog's death. My sister had lived through the loss of an infant son, and she felt like, you can go BUY another dog. Sometimes within days of one dying, she would have a new one.
So I contacted the breeders, and Beau's mom is having a new litter soon.
Meanwhile, this is day two, and today, after 10 hours of sleep I can put his death out of my mind and think of something else for a few moments. I spent the day applying for a job in London. Day three, slept 12 hours, this seems key to helping me cope.
Beau was a terrible scavenger and while on my watch ate: a glasses wipe cloth, a pair of underwear, and a man's sock, all of which he either pooped out or threw up. He also had eaten Christmas chocolates out of the box and rocks. After a day of vomiting, Stefan took him to the vet. The vet said Beau had something in his tummy, but it was soft, and he would pass it. He died the next day in his bed. I feel so badly for Stefan, who did everything he could.
Oh my sweet pup, I wanted to see you again. You literally loved everyone. You were love and light and the best distraction during a really confusing time.
I'm posting this without photos, I can't bear to look at pictures of him yet.